Being a mature student at 39 and what it means for my family photography…

Identity, being a mature student in York and family photography

N O W  P L A Y I N G // ‘New day’ by Only Little Clouds

I think the significance of ‘what I’d done’ really hit home for me on the first day on campus. It very much had the vibe of a movie slowmo where I was standing perfectly still and hundreds of much younger people went purposely about their day. Think like, 20 years younger. One of the big challenges most of us have found with adulting is that the older you get, the more you realise you don’t know. And at that moment I knew absolutely nothing. Not where I was going, not even where the toilets were and I certainly did not have a clue what I was doing there. 

Naturally, all of the things that I’d advocate for other people were lost on me entirely. Give it a chance, have an open mind, christ woman, just get a map of campus as a starting point. I found the toilets in the SU and that was how my mature student life kicked off - hiding in the bathroom having a word with myself about how I couldn’t really quit my masters before I’d even started. 

Rewind one summer holiday and I was packing up my office after 16 years working in one community. A community that I loved deeply, that taught me so many things, having started as a 22 year old newly qualified teacher (with an alarming amount of perk) and finishing as an Assistant Headteacher - post pandemic, pretty burnt out and not remotely perky any more. In the final few years, my name was finally on an office door. An aspiration achieved. Someone said to me as I closed it, “you’ll have to come up with a pretty good reason why you left teaching when you apply for another job.” It unnerves me sometimes when I remember that, but then also I remind myself that I could have probably driven to that same place for 16 more years and maybe that would have been the easiest thing to do. I loved the people I worked for, I was incredibly proud of my journey, but at that point I just couldn’t see myself moving to another school. 

I had been thinking about further study for a while. I definitely have a chip on my shoulder about being called an ‘underachiever’ at school and my first degree didn’t inspire me greatly. My PGCE had been the first time I’d really hit a rhythm and I was lucky to bounce into my school, where opportunity was fast flowing and the challenge kept me consistently high on adrenaline. It wasn’t until I had my own kids that I really started to consider there might be a professional life outside those walls, but that process was a long one and I had the help of two excellent coaches through those years. 

Already having a postgraduate degree, a masters was the next logical step for me, and my love for photography was really giving me life. Without a doubt, I was dealing with imposter syndrome in the bucketfuls, and admittedly I thought this might change that for me. If I was a ‘qualified photographer’ then I wouldn’t be an imposter any more. 

It hasn’t changed that. Eased it maybe. 

But it has given me so much more. 

During my research I came across a quote by Irina Nevzlin, which has really sat at the core of this journey for me (thinking Alexis, Schitts Creek, IYKYK) - “Identity is a process that entails continuously asking, “who am I?” There was no doubt I had been asking myself this for the previous few years, but after my first year in the degree, I realised how much I had become open to accepting that the answer evolves. It changes for all of us. 

There are so many reasons why I’m glad that I chose to go back to university. (Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all rosy - let’s keep the balance here.) The impact it has had on my family photography is far greater than a new technical trick or being more confident with flash. In accepting my own evolving identity, I have learnt to welcome it in others. When I work on family photography, there are so many elements of this to consider. A new mum, a first time dad, an older sibling, an adopted child, a special need. Whatever the makeup of your family, everyone is shifting. When I’m with your family, my aim is to lift the load and take responsibility for recording you as you are at this stage in your journey. 

No one knows what the answer to ‘who am I’ will be in the future, but this is who you all are right now, in all of its messy glory. Don’t miss the opportunity to remember it.

Book your family photography with me today.